I was on my way to Pilates tonight and drove past his place, and tears began to flow, but to be honest, I cry whenever I am in that area. It has been a couple of years, but I hate that we didn’t communicate because he was upset with me.

I visited Atlanta in September 2013 and went to the club to eat wings and party with my best friend. We had to combine our table with the men next to us, and it was ON from there. We danced, ate, laughed, and talked. We all left, went to another club, then went to the grocery store and picked up groceries for breakfast. We followed them to Chef’s house, and he was going to cook breakfast. They both were from New Orleans, and that breakfast told me everything I needed to know. So, while Chef was cooking, I showed my best friend and the guy she met my fantastic dance moves. We were all laughing, and he was in the kitchen cooking and watching us act like fools. Those damn grits were so good I wanted to slap him and his friend, but I wouldn’t get more of that fantastic food. Hahaha, My best friend and his friend were in love the moment they met (they are now married), so we ate and stayed the night at the Chef’s house! The following day was the walk of shame in our clothes from the night before, hahaha He wanted to see me the next night, but I had plans, so we decided to meet on Sunday!

He was a lovely dresser and very confident! We met up Sunday at another club, and I met another one of his friends, and we had a ball. I returned to Los Angeles, but we spoke daily. He wanted to see me again, so I returned a month later. The first night in town, we got together with our friends. I had a fantastic time in town, and we decided I would return for the New Year! I returned for the New Year, and we partied with his friends, and he made dishes that I never had before, and I was in food heaven. I returned to Los Angeles, and we still communicated daily. After leaving my job in Hollywood, I didn’t work for two years. I started working at a company I hated and desperately needed a change. I decided that I was moving to Atlanta! My best friend and I had put a plan together. I shared the details with him because I didn’t want him to think I was moving to be with him. After all, that was never discussed. I arrived in Atlanta five months after meeting each other, and he was a saving grace. I didn’t know anyone except my best friend, so we hung out often. He was not the best communicator, and he would tell my best friend and her guy how he felt about me and that he was going to purchase a home for us. Unbeknownst to me, I had no idea he was saying those things or how he felt. I was in the process of purchasing my place, and he purchased a home shortly after.

I love loving people, so when my family came to visit, I ensured that we would visit him and hang out. Being friends in a relationship is very important to me because that will be the glue that will hold you together when the relationship is going to hell in a handbasket. We were great friends, but our communication sucked. Then, we started working for the same company but in different departments. So, it came time to discuss our next steps, and my ego fucked that up! I wanted to talk about where the friendship was going because we were always together. We were at his home at the dining room table. When we discussed the situation, he said he wasn’t ready for the next steps, but that was because everything had to be his idea first. So, the next week we had the exact same conversation at the same exact spot at his dining room table. It didn’t go well when he brought up the topic of us being together. My ego was front and center, so we remained friends. He would look at me with love in his eyes and accept all my crazy. I would hang out with him and his boys, and we would laugh and talk about everything, and it was always a good time. His boys would repeatedly ask us why we were not together. The truth was neither one of us was being transparent nor vulnerable about how we felt about each other.

One weekend my sister was in town, and we ended up having an impromptu party at his house with our friends, and it was a night to remember. Drinks, food, and laughs for days. He sold his home and moved five minutes from me, so my dog and I would visit him. He complained of back pain and canceled his appointment because they wanted a large copayment. When I called to ask how the appointment went, he told me canceled, I fussed and told him to reschedule the damn appointment, and he did. He called me one morning and told me that we needed to talk, and he began to share that he had stage four cancer. I was stunned! He started chemo and changed his diet, but he really started LIVING! I would check on him. We had a picnic, and my ass was drunk in the park, he watched my dog while I went out of town for an overnight trip, and I took him to a doctor’s appointment. One day he called and shared that he appreciated me and apologized for not being expressive, but it was his way.

In 2020, my sister came to town for a party, so it was a short trip, but she was coming back two weeks later. He watched my IG stories and was pissed that we didn’t visit, and blocked both of us from IG and his phone. I was never able to explain that she would be back and we would visit him at that time. It came to the point that I couldn’t stop thinking about him, but when I called, it went to voicemail, so I knew that I was still blocked. One day I was cleaning up, and I got a call from an unknown number, one of his friends. The friend explained that the Chef wasn’t doing well and wouldn’t live through the weekend. He said he would call me back when he arrived in Atlanta…..I never received that call.

Until next time!
What’s next starts now!